Rules of the Relationship Road
by Marie S Zachary
Summary: Trudy writes an article on communicatin in relationships.  This is dedicated to Molen and to Theicemenace.  THank you both.


Disclaimer: I don't own Monk or any affliated characters. This article was written by my friend Molen and she let me use it for the story.

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In relationships there are certain rules that are not spoken. It's just understood even though it's unspoken. The problem is that when you don't understand the unspoken rules of relationships it can get you in trouble. There are basically several rules or signs of the relationship road. Once you read this it will keep you out of trouble for a lot of your relationship.

Sign number one: KNOW WHEN TO TALK AND KNOW WHEN TO SHUT UP

I have a very good friend who I love dearly but sometimes he needs to put his mouth into park. He loves his wife but when they have a difference of opinion he doesn't have a filter. Calling your wife stupid for instance even if it's said in the heat of the moment **will **be held against you. Its okay to disagree with someone but the way you talk to your friends, family, children or significant other is different then the way you would talk with someone that you don't know well. You might say for instance, "I don't agree with your opinion because…" and then explain why you disagree with her opinion without putting her down.

Sign number two: Compromise

You and your significant other, friends, family or children are not always going to see eye to eye. Maybe you're getting frustrated with a situation and decide that it's time to just give it up. Maybe your significant other (etc) does not agree with your opinion. That's not a time to say (like my idiot friend did even though I love him) 'well I'm the head of the household and what I say goes. Newsflash THAT COMMENT WILL BE HELD AGAINST YOU.

Instead of opening your mouth and inserting your foot in it you need to learn to **compromise **which means one of two things. There are times compromise means giving in because it's important to someone else. Then there are other times that compromise means finding a middle ground. It means reaching a conclusion where you both win. Connect your mouth to your brain not your hindquarters and you should be good to go.

Sign number three: Know when to take control of a situation

I love my husband to death but he can be a little bit slow on the uptake **very rarely **but sometimes. On one of those occasions he was arguing with someone who was like 13 feet tall and could put his fist through a brick walk. You better dang well believe I snapped it when he was about to get out of control and told him to zip it as I maneuvered him out of the situation. I won't get into what happened next because it wasn't pretty but the point is that there are times you need to step in. It's the necessary thing to do

Sign number four: LISTEN! LISTEN! LISTEN

My friend, the one who is less then good when it comes to communication skills sometimes will ask questions when he has in his own mind the answers. He listens but he doesn't listen with an open mind. DON'T do that. When you as a question **listen to the answer **and if there is something that doesn't make sense ask a follow-up question. Don't ever take your idea of what happened and project that as what really did happen,

Sign number five: Have them repeat it back to you

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the words, "Do you understand what I said". I cannot tell you how many times people have said they did but they had no clue what the ham and cheese the person was talking about. To make sure you are understood have the person repeat back to you what you said. Have them repeat it in their own words. That way you make sure there is no confusion.

Sign number six: Change it up

Let's face it. We live in a world of repetition. That's great when you're trying to teach the children in kindergarten their ABC's and 123's but when you're trying to communicate with a person you need to catch their attention. Sometimes you need to jazz it up or sing it or do whatever you have to do. Remember you don't live in a vacuum no matter how much my husband would love that

Just remember the rules of the relationship road and you'll be just fine.


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